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Welcome to the hilarious and oh-so-relatable journey of the Employee Life Cycle. In this article, we’re going to take a sarcastic and humorous look at the phases of an employee’s career, so hold onto your hats and get ready to laugh (or cry) along!
Phase-1: The “I’m the smartest person in the room” phase
This phase is all about the new kid on the block or someone starting a new role. They’re excited to learn and increase their awareness of project activities and stakeholders, and they just can’t wait to show off their newfound knowledge.
Point A is where they start, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to take on the world with their inexperience and overconfidence.
Points B and C are where things start to get interesting, as employees develop a natural ego and attitude. They think they know everything, and boy do they love to remind everyone of it! This phase is where they start to believe they’re better than everyone else and that their way is the only way.
But don’t worry, Point D will soon show them that they don’t actually know everything.
Phase-2: The “I’m the boss, and don’t you forget it” phase
Now we’re entering the phase where employees think they’re invincible. They’ve reached their comfort zone and have a sense of high authority and the highest ego. They think they know it all, and they’re not afraid to show it. They believe they’ve reached the pinnacle of their career, and they’re obsessed with their authority level.
But beware of Point D⁰, the threshold point. This is where employees realize that they’re not as great as they thought they were, and that they may actually have to learn something new.
Phase-3 (Scenario-1): The “I’m always right, and you’re always wrong” phase
This is the phase where employees start to show their true colors. They argue with everyone, suppress others, and lose respect left, right, and center. They become the masters of sarcasm, and loud arguments become the norm.
Points E and F represent a sense of insecurity, making a lot of enemies, routine arguments, and a decrease in performance. They think they’re always right and that everyone else is wrong.
Point G is the exit point. This is the point where the company realizes that the employee is more trouble than they’re worth and decide to let them go. Don’t worry though, they’ll probably think it was the company’s loss.
Phase-3′ (Scenario-2): The “I’m a team player, and I’ll let you know it” phase
This is the phase where employees start to learn from their mistakes. They have a newfound sense of positivity, encourage their peer members, and ignore negativity (or at least pretend to). They start to believe in teamwork and give respect to their peers. They have full control over their ego and have learned to handle arguments positively.
Points E’ and F’ represent employees who have implemented their acquired knowledge, make good decisions, and improved team performance.
Point G’ represents the sky is the limit. This is the point where employees have become invaluable assets to the company and can achieve anything they set their minds to (or at least they think they can).
In conclusion, the employee life cycle is full of ups and downs, but it’s important to learn from our mistakes and grow from them. It’s okay not to know everything, and it’s important to remember that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. So, let’s embrace our flaws and make the most of our careers, with a healthy dose of sarcasm and humor.
